I Need You to Know

you need to know that i will be

what you want

but

i wish i could be

what you deserve

From Far Better Places

where is the place to party - ?

can I come over and say sorry -?

i am not what you want me to be 

i’m so many things you will never see 

the places I’ve been are long gone

from a planet .

in a different existence .

like the beginning of my sentence 

i am changed 

never to be the same 

why is everything a game

mind and body 

what a naive connection - . 

The Tab

 Horny Shell // THANK YOU COME AGAIN! 

~

Longing (standard)

Loneliness (refilled)

Commitment (conditional)

Connection (additional)

Emotion (add-on)

Expectations (included)

Rules (arbitrary)

….

where does the receipt end?

where is the cutoff for one to pay the bill? 

no one wants to be the one left with the tab

it always goes one way or another 

bills are split and we share the damage

or

one bites the bullet for the other 

all good things must come to an end

why?

do we lose a sense of our bond?

do we forget ourselves? 

is the puppy love over?

why am i paying the tab?

did i order to much?

too little?

not the right things?

didn’t complain and fix your order when i needed to?

never asked to try some of mine?

talked too much?

talked  little?

oh i know.

i made the reservation

i paid ahead of time

not just this time

i don’t know another way

fast food?

why?

takeout?

no way.

sensations are strong

not like the port we drank

the grainy taste of lamb

can’t escape it

where it moves the other chases

two in the same? 

no

same coin?

no

of the same pair?

no but yes

where emotions lead the danger soon begins

cause and effect 

tortoise and the hare 

at the end of the tab it’s always disappointment

the final look of regret 

reading the long order history 

was it worth it?

doesn’t matter

the total doesn’t change

what’s charged is charged

realization is the only cope 

why’d you spend so much?

it was fun in the moment 

is it fun in this moment?

not anymore 

that’s the hare 

slowly and steadily it catches up

there when you least expect it

there when you convinced yourself the whole time it was worth it

so foolish

so so clumsy 

silly 

childish…..

puppy to wolf

hare till the end

gratuity allows experience 

did you learn?

yes

what?

im making my own meals now